Oh Be Tactful

Sometimes working at a shop is a balancing act between being straight with a customer and preserving their feelings.

Yesterday a customer brought in a GMC Denali. Not an SUV, a bicycle. If you didn’t know that there are bikes named after popular American vehicles, lucky you, because that means you haven’t had to spend time in a Walmart lately.

And to spare you the very sad Google image search, here it is:

She said she bought it used and somebody told her that she should get it tuned up, so I put it in the stand and asked the usual questions: are there any specific problems, how much do you want to spend on it, where will you be riding it, etc.

To this last question, she answered that she wants to use it for the half Ironman race coming up in June.

Ah.

I hope my face didn’t betray my incredulity, because my immediate thought was: “Nooooooo you’re going to hate it so much who told you this would be a good bike for a race nooooooo whhhhhyyyyyyy.” And then: “Oh blast how do I explain this tactfully.”

If I didn’t have to worry about hurting this woman’s feelings, I would say that the bike is completely unsuited to any riding beyond puttering around town or the occasional foray on the Centennial trail, and that she will be incredibly uncomfortable if she rides it for training or racing due to its weight and the drivetrain and the terrible saddle and pedals, and that the brakes are garbage and unsafe for high-speed riding in a group, and that it would really suck to get a flat because she would need to carry a 15mm wrench to get the wheels off, and that her chances of success in the race would be much much higher with a decent bike.

But honesty is the absolute worst policy once there is already a sunk cost. I did not ask how much she paid for the bike, but it was probably enough to be embarrassing.

So, for the time being I said we would do the basic tune-up and throw some new tires on it (there were cracks in the sidewalls) and make sure everything was reasonably tight and safe. I briefly mentioned that it wasn’t really the type of bike you generally see in the 70.3, and TJ backed me up by saying she should go on a couple rides on it, then try one of our rental roadies for comparison. I got her in the system, said it would be done in the next couple of days, and she left.

After she was gone I powwowed with Alex and TJ and we came up with a plan for when she came back for the bike. We’ll start off by telling her how great it is that she’s doing the 70.3 and recommend some people and groups for her to get involved with for training. Then we’ll tell her that our number one priority is to help her have a fun, safe, and successful race. We’ll follow that by very gently explaining the differences between her bike and a quality road bike. Depending on how that goes over, we might then talk about all the other equipment she’s going to need. Last, while we let all that sink in, we will give her a certificate for a complimentary road bike rental and get her email address for the eventual newsletter so that we can keep her engaged. Then we cross our fingers and hope like heck that she is inspired, not intimidated.

Those of us who work in the bike industry easily forget how incomprehensible bikes can be to some people. To someone who doesn’t spend a lot of time around them, the GMC Denali looks like a legitimate road bike, and the price is especially attractive when that someone is just dipping their toes into the sport. It’s really the crappy-bike manufacturer that is the asshole here for tricking people with those drop bars, because without them it’s just a standard cheap hybrid with tires an obnoxious 6mm skinnier than normal. Screw you, Walmart. Stop selling garbage bikes.

I really really hope we pull this off and get her on a good bike, whether or not it’s one of ours, because the world becomes a better place every time somebody discovers a love of cycling.